The Marriage Map

We did it again! Larry and I went on vacation and got lost. It’s not that we didn’t plan. We

thought we knew everything we needed to know about getting to the cabin on the Tennessee

mountaintop. But alas, we were missing a few particularly important details.

As I drove west, watching the sun go down, I prayed that I would find my home away from

home, before darkness settled in. I could only imagine being lost in the dark mountains with no

street lights and only bears and Tennessee wildlife from which to ask directions. We finally

arrived.

After a good night’s sleep, I began to think about my experience. In many ways it reminded me

of marriage. Caring for all the known details, most couples drive off from their wedding

ceremony sure of their destination. After all, “How hard could it be to find Happily-Ever-After?

Others may have lost their way, but we know what we are doing.” Years later in confusion,

frustration, and disappointment a couple may abandon the search for Happily-Ever-After, get

stuck in traffic on Boring Boulevard or drive straight to Divorce-land.

When we discovered that we were lost on our vacation trip, we did two things, stopped and

asked for directions, and we bought a detailed map. We had to stop wandering and come up with

a plan that would get us to our destination. It’s funny but the directions we received were all

different. Some said, “Take Hwy 8 until you run into Hwy 11, then follow it to Hwy 30 and

you’ll see it on the right.” Others said, “Just take Hwy 27 to Hwy 127, then left on Hwy 30 and

it will be on the left.” It was frustrating to hear so many options when we didn’t have someone

we trusted personally to guide us. One grocery store clerk said, “I’ve never been there, but I

think you...” I wanted to faint!

It’s easy to get marital advice from someone at work or from a family member. You can quickly

get several options on how to fix your marriage by mentioning your need. Those directions might

get you to Happily-Ever-After or they might cause you to become more confused and lost than

ever. You should ask yourself if the person giving the advice has ever been there. Does this

person know the Creator of all marriages?

We looked at the map we bought and began to analyze where we had missed our first turn. It

took precious time to retrace our route, but it was the only option if we wanted to get back on

track. At one point we had to go back down the interstate for several miles and take an exit that

we had passed. Then we had to climb one mountain and go back down it in order to climb the

mountain we were looking for. It was slightly humiliating to think we had been so dumb.

Getting your marriage back on track will take time and a concerted effort. Examining the

mistakes you have made will be humiliating and you will, no doubt, feel dumb. But that is not

the issue. The outcome of a sound marriage will be well worth the time you invest and the

uncomfortable feelings you endure. The following advice may be helpful to those looking for

direction in their marriage:

• Go to the Wonderful Counselor (Isaiah 9:6). Pray together and ask God to give you direction for making your marriage what you want it to be. God gives grace to the humble (James 4:4-10)

• Seek wisdom from a natural counselor that you both trust. (Proverbs 11:14)

• Set aside the time to study your marriage map. Discuss where you took wrong turns, being careful not to blame one another, but sharing responsibility for your situation. This will mean time without the children. It may mean simplifying your schedule, so you can have time to discuss your marriage map.

• Commit to the destination of Happily-Ever-After, your original choice, and determine that no other destination will do. (Mark 10:2-9)

• Fast and pray, using your spiritual weapons. (Ephesians 6:10-18)

• It’s never too late to redeem a marriage if both the husband and wife are willing to make corrections, forgive one another and seek God’s love as the glue that holds a marriage together.

• Don’t stay “lost” and don’t give up on “Happily-Ever-After”!